Wednesday, November 18, 2015

National Adoption Month

Since we currently have four children who are adopted I could not miss this opportunity to share about adoption.  Adoption will be a huge theme on this blog.
This year I am going to share a short video clip from last November.
I had minor surgery two days before sharing this message, my voice is shakey, and so was I, but I think my heart comes through loud and clear.  

This year I am the one struggling to believe how much my Heavenly Father loves me.  I do not have to be loveable.  I do not have to perform a certain way.  He just loves me because I'm His child.  My own words are a powerful reminder to me of my place in His family.  
My own wounded heart has been remembering old wounds I honestly had completely forgotten,  Dealing with new rejections has a funny way of bringing back old memories.  These are the wounds my children, my husband, my family, all of us deal with in one way or another, and they are the wounds I long to have healed by the only One who can heal the broken hearted.  


Friday, November 13, 2015

a glimpse into who I am

This is an old post from facebook. It will give you a very small glimpse into my wounded heart.

Someone recently asked me to “write my story”. Our story is both written for us and by us. It is the sum of God’s will plus our choices. 
As I have been pondering this thought a few things have come to my mind. First, I know how my story will end, no I don’t know how I will leave this earth, but I know when I leave this life I will spend eternity with Jesus in Heaven. I know my eternity is secure. What I can’t even begin to write about is how long I will be here, who I may have to say good bye to before I leave, etc. When I was in highschool I visited New York City. It was an exciting City! I remember saying, “I hope I have a job someday that brings me to this city a few times a year on business.” I have never returned to New York City, the closest I’ve come is watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade on TV. 
When I was in college I wanted to be like Mary Tyler Moore, single career woman with a cute apartment, complete with a sunken living room. I did have a cute apartment with a raised bedroom, so you stepped down into the rest of the apartment from the bedroom, but my days as a career woman ended before I finished college… 
If you asked me way back then where I thought I’d be in my 50th year of life, I would have had a lot of ideas: traveling, snuggling & kissing a grandbaby or two, probably still working somewhere earning a paycheck, to spend at the Mall, more time for sewing and crafting, and for me. If that’s your life, good for you, but God certainly had a different story written for me to walk out. 
Almost every job I’ve held has prepared me for this “career”. I have been a waitress, a receptionist, a bookkeeper, secretary for quality control, a CNA, a home health aide, I’ve cleaned houses, I’ve worked in grocery stores as a cashier and a deli clerk, and babysitter, etc…. these jobs remind me of some of those “before they were famous” articles. The beauty is I use these skills all the time in my “real life”. I spend my days cooking meals, clearing tables, changing diapers, answering phones, scheduling appointments and sometimes rescheduling them, washing laundry, cleaning house, doing dishes, wiping noses, washing hands and faces, etc. etc. My days are full, my days are busy, but I wouldn’t trade this life for any of those old dreams and ideas. They were the best kind of dreams for a young woman to have, but this woman has seen living out God’s plan is so much more fulfilling. I have no doubt whatsoever that this is exactly what I was 
made to be! 
Every day is an adventure! Many days I can only cling to God’s promises and pray I can make it until bedtime. Being totally dependent on God and His strength and mercies is an amazingly good place to be. 
But, what about the part I am responsible to write? I can’t even imagine what my future will look like, there will be moments of delight and awe weaved together with heartache and loss, but what else??? 
I hope I will love like Jesus, more each day. I hope the people entrusted to me will feel safe with me, at all times. I hope to actively participate in my life choice by choice becoming a healthy person, spiritually, but also emotionally, mentally, & physically. Hoping is not enough to “write” my story I have to actively decide and act according to God’s will and my desires. So this day (tomorrow is another day) I choose to honor my commitments well, to tap into the Holy 
Spirit’s power to love better, to be vulnerable in the face of fear, and to be present in this moment, and to be kinder than I might feel. I will renew my mind with God’s word and other good books. I will seek wise counsel. I will choice by choice eat better and exercise more. I will pray for God’s wisdom and supernatural power to help me to love when fear and hurt make me want to do anything but love. I will ask God to help me take captive every thought, so my mind is free from junk and lies that defeat me before my feet hit the floor. 
And most of all I will fail again and again, but I will by God’s grace get up every time I fall. God wrote my story. It is finished! I get to walk it out in cooperation with Him every day, moment by moment, choice by choice. 

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Let's Begin

Almost every week someone tells me I should write a blog, or "when you write your blog" or even "when you write your book."  This is the beginning, it is my journey, my story.  While I hope it encourages and blesses others it is mostly for me and my family.  This is a far bigger learning curve than just writing a facebook post, so here's to small beginnings.  
All my life I have chased wounded hearts.  I chased my mom's wounded heart, I chase my husband's wounded heart, I chase my children's wounded hearts, and Jesus has chased my wounded heart.  I don't claim to have any answers for the wounded heart, except for Jesus, I simply seek to share our journey.
Our home is BUSY, so I will not commit to a blogging schedule.  I will simply share the journey. Some posts will be about the current day, some will be reflections on the journey before I started blogging.  I will seek to share my heart and be transparent in every post.  
Our current home consists of nine people.  Mom, Dad, four boys 13, 11, 9, & 8, & three girls 10, 4, & 2.   We have dentist appointments, eye appointments, meals to cook, laundry, homework, and all the other stuff that families deal with everyday. We also have weekly counseling appointments, wounded hearts are messy.
My plan is to introduce you to the wounded hearts, and share the stories that weave our lives together.  Eventually, I will learn to add pictures and the fun stuff to my blog, but since the beginning of it is the important thing, lets begin!