A Done Something

"A done something is better than a perfect nothing."

Katherine at Do It on A Dime

"Enthusiasm without knowledge is no good; 

haste makes mistakes."

Proverbs 19:2

So I posted my plan....  It was a  beautiful plan and the blog looked so good....

Then I missed my first deadline and then another week went by and so on and so forth...

I plan to write about all that in another blog post, "soon," but for this post I will give a quick update with before and after pictures, and a few give-a-ways.

The Home

I am not fully following the Organized 365 plan.   Honestly, it has me cleaning out cupboards and drawers, etc.  But my whole house is a big fat mess!! 

So I am starting by cleaning the surface clutter.  I am working every day at least a little bit on surface clutter.  Everyone in my family is a surface abusers.  If there is a flat surface anywhere it is a prime target for something to be put there "temporarily."  Things don't stay there temporarily, they breed and more things are set down and the pile spreads, until there isn't a flat surface to be found anymore.  

I personally grew up this way and I think when your vision becomes accustomed to the clutter you don't even notice it anymore.  Well, until you have guests coming and you look at your house with the eyes of a visitor and freak out!

My kiddos have grown accustom to this way of living and it is going to take much training to create the clean surfaces and lovely environment I crave. 

This is before an after pictures in my tiny kitchen.  I work really hard everyday to keep these counters clear.  I would say at least 85% of the time they look this way.

My Body

I have done well with my health and fitness goals.  

I wish I could stick to a plan for a couple weeks and lose 10 or 15 lbs, but the truth is it took years to pile it on and it may take years to get to my goal fitness weight/size.  I am hoping no more than two years.  

I have kept up with my workouts 3x each week.  I missed one, but I consider it still a success.  

I can see the progress in the following ways:  increased weights on several machines, increased speed and endurance as well as distance  on the exercise bike.  

Eating on plan about 98%  

I lost 5.2 pounds the first month and since my basic goal is 5 pounds/month...that's a success.  I will say the scale lies and I hate it, so my real goals are a clothing size and to find my knees :-)

The Give Aways
So here are the things leaving my home.  The truly sad part is with all of my decluttering efforts most of our stuff is just garbage or junk.  So I plug along and maybe there will be a few treasures along the way.

All of these are in good working order, but they are taking up too much space in my tiny broom closet.  I have switched almost completely to Norwex cleaning tools, including the mop.  I also have a full size rug shampooer now, so I no longer need the steam mop.  In order from left to right:  a steam mop with all the attachments and tools, including the ring so it can be used on rugs as well as solid floors; a spray mop with refillable canister, no need to buy a specific cleaner and two pads: two microfiber pads that slip over a mop I no longer have the mop; the red small mop is like a swiffer, add your own clothes and it works great (my kids love it for getting toys and dog bones from under the furniture); last is an o'cedar flip mop.  Again, these are all fine, but I use my Norwex and e-mop now. 

Yep, that's baby goodies.... the top two are for the carseat.  It is a very soft insert with detachable head piece. 
The bottom one is a cute duckie hooded towel that my daughter does not want to give up, sigh. 

Two pair of little girls size 10 shoes.  The sneakers are very nice New Balance, and the slip on canvas ones are still very nice play shoes, probably from Walmart.

One of our all time favorite books! We have several copies and this is the board book version in almost new condition.

Finally two really random items, I almost didn't even post, but there is nothing wrong with them, so...
The first is hard to see, but it is a macrame plant hanger in a burnt orange with a metal hanging ring;  the sunglasses are a sparkly silver over navy blue they were my extra car pair, and I just don't need them anymore

So these items are available absolutely FREE until October 26th.  Message, call, comment, let me know if you want any of these things. 
Hopefully as I get better at getting rid of things, I will have some more exciting treasures. 

The Meal Plan 

If you want to know what we are eating, here are our dinners for this week:

Monday - Cowboy Grub (E) - turkey; skillet

Tuesday - BLT Frittata (S) - bacon, eggs; skillet/oven

Wednesday - Slow Fajitas (E) - chicken; crockpot (I used my fast pot)

Thursday - Super Salmon Burgers (S) - canned pink salmon; stove top/grill

Friday - Pizza (S) - pepperoni, cheese, sausage; oven

Saturday - Creamy Chicken & Wild Rice Soup (E) - chicken; stovetop

Sunday - Rich & Tender Stew (S) - beef; crockpot

               Dessert - Trimtastic Chocolate Zucchini Cake (S) - oven 

All the recipes for these meals come from the Trim Healthy Mama Cookbook.  Again, I am not receiving any commissions or gifts for the things I share...this is just what I am doing. 

What's working and what's not
To be continued in another post...
God bless thanks for reading, and don't forget to follow if you don't want to miss future posts.


"You can make plans, but the Lord's purpose will prevail."
Proverbs 19:21

The Plan week 1

Already a late start, but not really.  Today is the first day of my 100 day journey to wellness.  I am a little late getting this blog post up, but no worries I am on target with my new beginning.  I am not getting paid for any of the items I reference in my blog.  This is my personal plan of attack for the next 100 days.  Also, I will post items that are leaving my home on this blog and if you are local or want to pay for shipping I will give them to you, my goal is to get them out of my house.

So...without further ado here is the plan for this week and going forward.

Our Home:

I will be working through the Organized 365 program over the next 100 days.  Here's a link to her home page : Organized 365 I purchased this program a couple of years ago.  I did not pay the current price, but I invested a lot of money for me.  I listened to Lisa's podcast and renewed my mind for months before I ever spent any money.

I am also using the home management binder from Do It On a Dime  Do It On A Dime household binder  to keep on task with daily home maintenance while taking on the task of decluttering every room and surface.

Above picture also include some just too beautiful paper products I will be using as well.  I purchased these from my local Dollar General.

My Body:

I am using Trim Healthy Mama to plan all my meals and eat on plan for weight loss.  

I am working out at my local Snap Fit for fitness and strength.  I also plan to incorporate T Tapp exercise videos for toning and elongating my muscles.

This week's plan:

work out 3 x  Tu, Wed, Fri at Snapfit

Dinner Menu Plan: 

(in no particular order)

crockpot - Smarty - Pants Stroganoff (S)

crockpot - Wipe Your Mouth BBQ (E)

skillet - Cowboy Grub (E)

skillet - Taco Time (S)

salad - Grand Greek Salad (S)

salad - Layered Salad (from Saving Dinner cookbook modifying to make an (S))

Pizza - THM (S)

We always have Pizza on Friday nights and since THM has several options I can stay on plan and not feel deprived.  

All of the recipes are found in the Trim Healthy Mama cook book except for the Layered Salad.  We are having a church picnic this week and I really needed to find a dish to pass that would be rich enough so I wouldn't feel deprived passing up the other great dishes.  I chose an S salad, because I can look for some meat to pair with it and stay on plan.

Finally, if you are not familiar with the S, E, FP, XO letters please check out Trim Healthy Mama

My Soul (mind, will, emotions):

I will continue to work with my therapist on all my wounds, new and old.  I also hope/plan to work through two books. during this 100 hundred days:

Embraced by Lysa TerKeurst

Grace, Not Perfection by Emily Ley

Spiritual:

Anyone who knows me personally already knows this is the core of who I am.  Without Jesus and my Faith in His word, Who He is, and the Holy Spirit as my primary counselor, I am nothing.  So to go along with this truth here are two scriptures God has already given me to start this journey:

Proverbs 25:24 "It's better to live alone in the corner of an attic than with a quarrelsome wife in a lovely home." 

No matter how lovely my home becomes, if it becomes more important than the people living in it, I have lost sight of what is most important. God had to show me this so I would not become a martyr about the work or get upset whenever someone messes up the spaces in our home.....I could do that 😜

Mark 8:36 (NLT) "And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul?"

Very similar to the other verse, but more weighty.  I cannot make my home, my body, my meal plan, my workout, anything in this plan more important than the relationship I have with Jesus.  The relationship that gave me salvation and eternal life.  I am prone to idol worship,  no not the kind that looks like a statue or a shrine and I don't bow down and worship physical idols.  I DO put my hope and trust into people, situations, and stuff.  Things like, "as soon as the house is clean and organized, we'll all be happy."  OR "when I hit my goal weight and fitness level, I'll be happy and my marriage will be better."  God knows me so well, He is already warning me about the dangers of becoming focused on the outcome of the next 100 days, and how I could think it depends on me and when I complete it everything in life will suddenly be great.  

Life is just hard some times, God is good, and He knows how to keep  me humble.  

If you think I left out my family, oh no.  My prayer is this will give us a space to live life together, to do life well.

A New Beginning

This blog has always been about the journey; It is about the wounded hearts that I do life with; It is about my wounded heart and my journey to wholeness.  

The start of a new school year is the perfect time for a new beginning.  In fact I get way more excited about this New Year, than the one on January 1st.  And it is not because all the kiddos are going back to school! :-) 

With that in mind I have decided to use this blog to hold myself accountable as I take on a journey of 100 days.  Somewhere I've read or heard that it takes 28 days to form a new habit.  I don't know if that is true for everyone.  I'm not sure I have ever stuck with anything for 28 days without cheating or taking a break or whatever... I have discovered about myself: I am not lazy, I have good ideas, I am strong willed, I have enough knowledge, but I am terribly undisciplined.  I have a love hate relationship with routines, schedules, and ruts.  I love the order and predictability they bring into my life, but I kind of hate that it is up to me to maintain them, I must follow them or they simply do not work!!  

Since, I have not stuck with anything for 28 days, I have decided to try to stick to three things for 100 days :-)  I know crazy, crazy, crazy.  But bear with me there is a method to my madness, sort of.  

From the year 2007 - 2013 we added seven family members to our household, these were the forever family people, not the temporary travelers.  These people came with a lot of "stuff."  We have spent the better part of the last five years dealing with the stuff trauma brings.  The wounded hearts, minds, souls, and sometimes bodies.  We will be dealing with all that "stuff" for the rest of our journeys this side of glory.  At times the mental and emotional needs of our family were almost all consuming, like a fire that eats everything in its path.  My time and energy have been swallowed in one all consuming need followed by another.  We have never been without a need to be met for more than a short period of time.  In fact right now we are battling on two different fronts.  Perhaps one of the most intense emotional times of my entire life, but the fact remains, meals must be eaten, laundry must be done, we must maintain a safe amount of clean, and life must go on day by day.

Here's the thing along with all the soulish (mind, will, & emotions) stuff that comes with adding family members there is a lot of tangible "stuff" too.  Clothes, shoes, toys, books, hobbies, pictures, papers a lot of papers!! I have used so much energy on the soulish things I have long neglected the physical things.  I have also neglected my physical well being.  I grab a meal, a snack on the run, collapse at the end of the day in front of the TV and scarf down junk food...to try to fill the emptiness of another difficult day.  All the while neglecting fresh air, exercise, and feeding my body life giving foods.  The result is a house full of clutter, and a body hidden under the clutter of pounds and pounds of fat.

The time has come to do something about the life I'm living and the life I want to live.  The time has come to live our family version of the abundant life Jesus died to give us.  I don't believe Jesus died to give us abundant stuff, or abundant fatty bodies.  I believe it is for freedom we have been set free and part of that freedom for me must be freedom to live!  To live free of stuff that doesn't add value to my life, free to play and laugh and enjoy my family, free to live a long life of health and strength.  

This school year I will have more freedom than I have had in 30+ years.  For the first time since I became a mother,  I will not have a child home during school hours.  I will send my people off to school each morning and greet them warmly at the end of their days.  School starts on Sept. 4th, and I will be embarking on a journey to a life of less is more.  

Over a year ago I invested in Organized 365's 100 Day Home Organization Challenge.  I have dabbled in it seeing some results, but I have never completed all 100 days.  The next 100 days just happens to start on Sept. 3rd.  How convenient is that?  So in my already crazy mind I decided to piggy back that challenge with my challenge to take back my body and get fit for the life I want.  So.....I will be challenging myself to follow the Trim Healthy Mama eating plan and exercise using T Tapp videos and my Snap Fit membership to get my body into the best shape I can at my age for the same 100 days. 

Also, as I already mentioned I am not very good at sticking with anything for very long. This time I have decided to use this blog to keep me accountable ....ouch.  My plan is to post weekly on my efforts, that means pictures of the clutter and mess, menu plans and what I actually eat, a log of exercise successes, before and afters from my home and even of my body.  (ooo, that was hard to type...like really hard...do I really want THAT MUCH accountability?)  No, but I do need it.  Hopefully, this whole experience will help me to develop the discipline I need to follow through on all the other goals I set for myself.  

Look for weekly posts to start on Sept 2nd in the evening/night time.  If you don't want to miss any of my messy journey to more abundant life with less, hit that follow button at the top right side of this page. As an added bonus I will post some of the items I am getting rid of and if you are a local follower and would like the item(s) you can message me and you have 10 days to come get it or it will go to the second hand shop.  I have a hard time giving away items that are still in good shape and usable, because I think someone might need it. So to ease my conscience I'm giving you a chance to take my stuff off my hands :-)  

By His grace I will not grow weary or faint of heart on this journey. 

So at the end of the day...

So at the end of the day…my mind screams “failure, fraud!”; my husband feels betrayed, my kids are scared and insecure, my house is always a mess, and my body betrays secret eating binges and failures of discipline.  This battle in my mind is so overwhelming, I want to hide in my bedroom, pull the blankets over my head and cry, but no there is dinner to fix. 

As I work through the needs that must be met.  I see the truth first through a fog and then more clearly.  It doesn’t scream like the declarations of failure.  It is softly spoken in gentle reminders and constant actions.  The husband who struggles with his own feelings of rejection and betrayal takes the children outside to play, their voices carry into the house, but I am free to cook dinner without distraction or tripping over one of these beloved.  The child who utters with a mouth full of food, “you’re a good cook mom.”  (blackened salmon, roasted sweet potatoes, and green beans, with freshly baked zucchini bread).  Even the cool July day, perfect for baking is a blessing if you take the time to be thankful.  The small success of a four year old who eats all seven green beans.  The heart successes of recognizing that the bouncy loud boy who’s acting out really just needs a hug, but will never ask for one, so I remember to ask, and he takes it and returns a half an hour later to ask for another one. 

How does a day begin with coffee and scriptures that jump off the pages of my Bible and straight into my heart nearly end with my own head proclaiming, “failure, fraud”?  I guess quite honestly, I look at what I can do, and I see all my short comings.  I forget that the promises spoken this morning were never about what I can do, but what He will do. 

Verses like Psalm 138:7- 8 “Though I am surrounded by troubles, you will protect me from the anger of my enemies.  You reach out your hand, and the power of your right hand saves me. The Lord will work out his plans for my life – for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever.  Don’t abandon me, for you made me. “

And this from 2 Corinthians 1:8-11 “We think you ought to know, dear brothers and sisters about the trouble we went through in the province of Asia. We were crushed and overwhelmed beyond our ability to endure, and we thought we would never live through it.  In fact we expected to die. But as a result, we stopped relying on ourselves and learned to rely on God, who raises the dead.  And he did rescue us from mortal danger, and he will rescue us again.  We have placed our confidence in him, and he will continue to rescue us.  And you are helping us by praying for us.  Then many people will give thanks because God has graciously answered so many prayers for our safety.” 

Both these passages were part of my quiet time this morning and yet twelve hours later I am believing “failure, fraud.”  Because truth is I am both those things, but the one who saved me, rescued, redeemed, and forgave me is neither of them.  He is faithful!!

*Many of my posts will not fit a timeline.  They come from my journals, my daily inspirations and struggles.  I share them when I am ready.  So recently could mean in the last three years, etc.  So this was in July, somewhere in the past.... The truth contained in it are valid for today.  

We wouldn't know the difference

Recently, (and in this blog that could be anything from this morning to last year :-)) I had one of those really special rare moments along the journey of motherhood:

I was enjoying a sweet Sunday afternoon nap, (don't judge, it's self care 101).  My sweet four year old came to "snuggle" with me.  Her version of snuggling and mine are very different.  Soon she was making silly noises and talking loudly.  I placed my hand over her mouth and she made one of those obnoxious sounds that can only be made by blowing, vibrations on a hand or from your backside.  Yep, in our house we call it "fart" noises :-) Which were followed by belly giggles and more of the same sounds, and repeat, for way longer than I would typically continue this silly behavior.  You know like when a little dog wants to play fetch the little rubber ball, long after the fun is gone for the person throwing the ball.  I laughed right out loud with her.  I don't laugh often enough and this wasn't lost on her.  She looked at me and said, "why are you laughing?" I said something like, "because you are silly and I like laughing with you." We laughed and giggled some more.  I looked deep into her little pixie face and her bright blue eyes, which meant being very close to that face, because I wasn't wearing my glasses.  This beautiful gift of a child.  This sassy, crazy, wild, child.  You see we didn't have to say yes.  She came to us a different way.

She reminds me of a song I heard many years ago at a woman's retreat, a song I have never heard again.  There was a line in the song talking about God's creation, "He could have made everything black and white and we would never known the difference."  Just as that song was being sung the sun set on the lake in one of those glorious sunsets with colors from deep violet, to mango, and pink blush.  The blue water of the lake only emphasized the beauty, every woman in the room was staring at the sunset, as that song ended.

<img src="http://www.freeimageslive.com/galleries/nature/sky/pics/skyclounds02531.jpg">

Here's the thing this little girl and most of my children were a choice we made.  But especially her.  We were fostering two of her siblings at the time, her birth mom became pregnant for her.  At first we were thinking of saying "no" to bringing home an infant when we were 47.  But we were told the other two children would need to go wherever the infant was placed.  We talked, we prayed, and we said, "yes."  In those moments when she is close to me and the belly giggles are abundant I look into that little face, and think "wow, I could have missed all this."  Truth is I wouldn't have missed her like you do a child you have loved and lost.  I would have gone on my way nearly every single day not knowing what I was missing, because ... well, you don't miss what you never had.  How precious that  God gave us color just for our pleasure, how precious this child and all of my children color my world, and their hand prints are all over my heart.  <3

This same feeling washes over me when I look up and see all seven of the children still at home stretched out on furniture and floor watching  an episode of "Andy Griffith" or a family movie.  I am filled with awe and gratefulness when our 16 year old sits next to me in the car and has to tuck his knees to fit into the seat, or he bends from his six foot plus height to hug me good night.  I am abundantly blessed.

Because this blog is all about the journey, I should also include a little more about the week before the cuddles and giggles with my four year old. This blog isn't called Chasing Wounded Hearts for nothing, it's our journey!! All these things happened in one week, yep seven days, seven kiddos, and a mom and dad who love them and each other,  so in no particular order:

• Child off meds for three days
• one child to ER for head injury - glued together
• one child lost computer privileges at school for generating a document that could be called cyber bullying (he was naive and did not make most of the comments on the document, but)
• homeschool ups and downs with one child
• I had to re-certify part of our health insurance
• Back door pulled off hinges
• dishwasher broke - won't drain
• my hormones are making me CRAZY!! menopause stinks
• Strong willed four year old - is there any other kind?
• telling three brothers their mom is trying to get custody of their 1/2 brother, the one they are in contact with and see at least every month
• telling son his birth dad was recently in the hospital
• baseball, t-ball and track practices
• missing shoes and permission slips 
• my own health issues

And some good things too:

• Countless hugs & snuggles
• laundry successes (see previous post)
• laughter
• coffee & conversations with my hubby
• belly laughs and what we could have missed.   

LIFE IS ABUNDANT AND SOMETIMES HARD!

Aren't you glad God made sunsets, sunrises, rainbows, and seasons....Oh, Fall in all it's glorious color praises the Lord, and so can we!

http://www.freeimageslive.com/galleries/nature/weather/pics/autumn_leaves_00195.jpg

My laundry is done!

Do you see those empty appliances?  That's how I know my laundry is done.  Yes, there is still dirty laundry in my house. I'm sure there are more than a few socks hiding under beds and in closets, but for this week my laundry is done!  I will not be thinking about it again until Sunday night (it is Tuesday morning).  Thanks to a wonderful book: 
How to Manage Your Home Without Losing Your Mind: Dealing with Your House's Dirty Little Secrets 

I tried something new.  Once a week laundry.  The first week, my husband and I worked like some people work on  a remodeling project.  We washed, dried, and folded laundry, every day for five days!!  The second week I did the same thing for 2 1/2 days.  This week I really could have been done Monday night, but I didn't want to fold the last load of laundry at 10 o'clock at night.  

I feel like a new woman!  I feel a huge burden has lifted off my shoulders.  If you don't understand my excitement then chances are you don't struggle with laundry and you can stop reading right now, because you won't "get it."

I have struggled with laundry all my life!  Adding other people and their laundry/clothing needs to my routine .... well, lets just say it has never been pretty.  I did laundry everyday! But it was never done, and people did not necessarily have clean socks and underwear when they needed them.  This always made me feel like a terrible mom.
The laundry was never done, but constantly in motion.  There were always piles of dirty laundry on my kitchen floor ('cause that's where my washer and dryer live.), there were always piles of clean folded laundry and baskets of clean laundry waiting to be folded in my dining room.  Dirty laundry was in every bedroom and in the bathroom hamper.  Occasionally, baskets of laundry made it to the living room couch or floor or both.  That laundry reminded me every day that I wasn't keeping up.  More mornings than I want to think about my children and I would be pawing through baskets of clean laundry to find socks, or a uniform shirt, or.... I have maintained a large laundry basket full of mismatched socks, for way too long, because I might find the matching socks, and because I never seemed to want to match them.  With the help of a sweet friend we mated socks for an entire afternoon during the five day renovation project called "laundry." I'm giving our new system a couple more weeks and any mismatched socks that remain are going in the trash.  Freedom!  I feel free to do this because I now know that all (most) of the dirty laundry has been washed, and my family has enough socks in their drawers already.  

I'm also excited about this new system because now it is Tuesday.  Without the pressure of rebooting laundry or moving it from place to place I can address other areas in my home, like the piles of never ending paper.  I am free for another 5 - 6 days to do other things.  Bake, food prep, clean out a drawer in the kitchen, whatever my happy little heart sees a need to do.  

I finally see how I can start to sort through my kiddos clothing and eliminate the truly unneeded.  Before they may actually have needed 20 pairs of underwear, but now that seems unnecessary and borderline ridiculous.  I now have a good idea how many pairs of jeans they actually own.  Freedom!!

Yep, I'm almost giddy about this new laundry system, which was probably very close to what our grandmother's did.  I am also excited, because God has been showing me for a few weeks now, that I am to "occupy the land" he has given me.  I am doing my own little study of the first few chapters of Deuteronomy, because that's where God has me right now, and I'm seeing time after time when the Lord said, "obey" and "occupy" the land.  For me it boils down to Owning My Own Life and taking control of it, embracing it...don't be afraid of it...do it the way God shows me.  

There is so much freedom in following God's ways, and in embracing our own lives.  

We have to live the life we have

We recently took a family vacation.  Our family is definitely large, but our children can also only handle so much.  There were many struggles. Most of the disappointments were because I had expectations that didn't fit our family.  To continually stay in the moment and enjoy my family and make memories for my family I had one recurring thought.  "We have to live the life we have"  This is who we are and we can't pretend to be something we are not.  Every day is different.

It would seem there is a book written for every situation you might face.  What ever your family or personal struggle might be there's a book for it.  If you are struggling with gratitude you can read "One Thousand Gifts" by Anne VosKamp.  If you are struggling with loving in the face of fear, I highly recommend "Keep Your Love On" by Danny Silk.  There are books on parenting, marriage, homeschooling, housekeeping, spiritual growth, weight loss, exercise, and on and on the list goes.  The problem with so many of these books is that when you finish reading them you can compare your life to the books.  I walk away from so many of these books with a a "To Do" list that leaves me feeling inadequate and sometimes a failure when I cannot Do the "To Do's".

Recently, I read a wonderful book.  This lovely mom raised her kids with candle light, lovely music, tea, and cookies.  I knew I couldn't pull that off even on the best of days.  But I really believed I could pick my children up from school on a Friday, buy some munchkins at the coffee shop, make hot chocolate and just put a pause on our busyness for a few minutes once a week.  I had visions of pleasant conversation (loud but pleasant).  As soon as I picked up my children from school, the fighting and bickering began. Fights over seats, and placement of backpacks.  All the silly unrelenting sibling bickering, continued through the drive thru, and then all the way home. When we got home everyone forgot how to put away lunches and backpacks, and the bickering continued while the water heated on the stove top.  Finally, we got all the children to the table, we filled cups with powdered hot cocoa mix, added the piping hot water, and a little milk to cool the beverage for the little ones...I skipped the music, because it was loud enough.  I stepped from the room and rushed back to screams from our littlest child.  She had poured her hot chocolate down the front of herself.  I stripped off her clothes quickly rushed her into the bathroom to cool her skin with cold water.  All this excitement lead to a call to the doctor's office and some quick decision making about the seriousness of her burn and the best course of treatment.  The pause I longed for would have to wait for another day....

I can learn to accept the limits as I did on that vacation or I can embrace the disappointment and frustration.  Honestly, I struggle....I do both, but I tend to end the day frustrated and disappointed that we can't have a "normal" life.  But I am realizing that I am as much a part of the problem as my kiddos.  I have to remind myself all day long that this is "Our Life," it does not look like anyone else's.

It is now Spring Break, but that is just what the calendar calls it.  It is cold and windy, and this morning we have snow.  We have been struggling for over two weeks to get a prescription filled, so one of our wounded hearts is struggling with EVERYTHING.  There have been blanket forts, and donuts, and a couple creative boys made wind sails for their scooters...they worked too! But there have also been more fights than I can count:  fights over blankets, bowls, seats, TV shows, toys, books, toaster use, tape, etc, etc, etc,   Arguing, and back talk,  I have been doing a lot of yelling. :-(
We even went to a Science Center.  One of my kids (the one off his meds)  took off and ran through the Science Center when he found out it was time to leave.  It took 20 mins to corral all our kiddos.

Life is hard, my wounded hearts struggle, I am the biggest wounded heart of all, but we do things!  Hopefully, we make memories, and at the end of the day they sleep!!    I know that  two or three of my kiddos will fall apart when we go to the Science Center, but we go.  Our trip is over an hour, so I hope and pray that they sleep or at least decompress on the trip home, sometimes they do, sometimes they don't.  I Expect it, so it doesn't frustrate me.  I prepare for it, the long drive, snacks, coffee for me, an audio tape in the tape player, etc.  I am prepared for the fall out, and it does not unnerve me.  Now if I can get to the place where I am prepared for cold Spring breaks, loud bouncy boys stuck inside (although I have also kicked them all outside, too), fights over pillows, cups, and chores... I will be better able to accept "our normal" and approach it with grace and more patience, less yelling.
It's our journey, good days, hard days, and it won't always be this way.

Blessings on your journey, where ever you are in this season of life.