All the Feels behind the blog

This is the nitty grit part of why I didn't write an update for over a month. 

This is transparency...

This is the part of writing the blog that may one day replace my therapist ;-)

Progress over Perfect

That's become my motto in the work on my home and my body, but my mind???
My mind still tells me terrible things, things like, "you failed, again," "you can't post now it's late, and you aren't even following your plan!" "you hypocrite." "you can't write a blog." "no one is reading it anyway..."  "Yeah, myself, is telling me ugly things, myself is telling me people will reject me, I am not good enough, my house is not like the other blog writers, I am not writing popular content, I am not .....   You get the idea.

So, this blog has to be more than just popular house cleaning content, or meal planning, or organization, or Godly womanhood, adoption, etc.  (It will likely contain all of that and more).

First, and foremost it started as a journey of the wounded hearts, including this wounded heart.

The wounded heart that was too paralyzed to write an update the moment it became 'late.'  The moment my pictures weren't taken.  What was holding me back, like shackles around my ankles and wrists? Fear!!  Mainly fear of rejection, fear of not being good enough, fear of failing.  Let that just sit with you a minute.

I want to write and share this journey with you, but the enemy of my soul has held me captive by this fear of rejection for so long....it is my go to response.

It is what has stopped me from stepping up to a more consistent role in women's ministry in my church, even though I long to empower every woman there....some might disagree with me, some might talk behind my back, some might not like me, some might not come to an event I plan.....on and on.... I know when I step out into ministry of any kind I put a target on my back, so I shrink back and only do the things I feel so passionate and so driven by God to do.

It is what has stopped me from writing about the darkest, hardest parts of our struggles in foster care and adoption (also, respect for the privacy of my family and their part of the stories).  While I know deep down in the depths of my soul that we are all wounded and we desire transparency and truth, more than beautiful houses, and meal plans.... I struggle to be vulnerable.  Truth is I thought I could be more vulnerable with people I hardly know, and one day maybe even strangers reading a blog post, than with those under my own roof, and even the one sharing my bed, because.....well...the rejection couldn't hurt as much, right?  That's why a therapist is easier to talk to .... they can't reject you, (Oh, and that degree, and years of school, that helps you sort through all your stinking thinking, so you can get to the other side and be the best version of you....that's pretty important too.)  Trust me it took me a few years to figure that out.  I was afraid even in that setting to be real, and vulnerable, because I wanted my therapist to like me.

The point is I recognize that this fear is a lie and it has kept me in bondage long enough, and I must push past it, become vulnerable, and believe that God has a good plan for my life, so I can live the life He has designed me to live, so I can write the content that I am supposed to write.

You see another lie I have told myself is "there are so many blogs out there already, why would anyone one read mine? "  The answer: they don't need to, if I'm writing about the same things everyone else is...this is my story and that's the only reason to write it.  The good days, the hard days, the grace days, all of it is my story, and I am the only one who can tell it.

This story is imperfect and flawed, sometimes beautiful and sometimes messy, but it is worth documenting, worth sharing, and well worth living.  It is the abundant grace gift of an amazing Savior and Redeemer.

I hope you will continue to join me for the journey.

A Done Something

"A done something is better than a perfect nothing."

Katherine at Do It on A Dime

"Enthusiasm without knowledge is no good; 

haste makes mistakes."

Proverbs 19:2

So I posted my plan....  It was a  beautiful plan and the blog looked so good....

Then I missed my first deadline and then another week went by and so on and so forth...

I plan to write about all that in another blog post, "soon," but for this post I will give a quick update with before and after pictures, and a few give-a-ways.

The Home

I am not fully following the Organized 365 plan.   Honestly, it has me cleaning out cupboards and drawers, etc.  But my whole house is a big fat mess!! 

So I am starting by cleaning the surface clutter.  I am working every day at least a little bit on surface clutter.  Everyone in my family is a surface abusers.  If there is a flat surface anywhere it is a prime target for something to be put there "temporarily."  Things don't stay there temporarily, they breed and more things are set down and the pile spreads, until there isn't a flat surface to be found anymore.  

I personally grew up this way and I think when your vision becomes accustomed to the clutter you don't even notice it anymore.  Well, until you have guests coming and you look at your house with the eyes of a visitor and freak out!

My kiddos have grown accustom to this way of living and it is going to take much training to create the clean surfaces and lovely environment I crave. 

This is before an after pictures in my tiny kitchen.  I work really hard everyday to keep these counters clear.  I would say at least 85% of the time they look this way.

My Body

I have done well with my health and fitness goals.  

I wish I could stick to a plan for a couple weeks and lose 10 or 15 lbs, but the truth is it took years to pile it on and it may take years to get to my goal fitness weight/size.  I am hoping no more than two years.  

I have kept up with my workouts 3x each week.  I missed one, but I consider it still a success.  

I can see the progress in the following ways:  increased weights on several machines, increased speed and endurance as well as distance  on the exercise bike.  

Eating on plan about 98%  

I lost 5.2 pounds the first month and since my basic goal is 5 pounds/month...that's a success.  I will say the scale lies and I hate it, so my real goals are a clothing size and to find my knees :-)

The Give Aways
So here are the things leaving my home.  The truly sad part is with all of my decluttering efforts most of our stuff is just garbage or junk.  So I plug along and maybe there will be a few treasures along the way.

All of these are in good working order, but they are taking up too much space in my tiny broom closet.  I have switched almost completely to Norwex cleaning tools, including the mop.  I also have a full size rug shampooer now, so I no longer need the steam mop.  In order from left to right:  a steam mop with all the attachments and tools, including the ring so it can be used on rugs as well as solid floors; a spray mop with refillable canister, no need to buy a specific cleaner and two pads: two microfiber pads that slip over a mop I no longer have the mop; the red small mop is like a swiffer, add your own clothes and it works great (my kids love it for getting toys and dog bones from under the furniture); last is an o'cedar flip mop.  Again, these are all fine, but I use my Norwex and e-mop now. 

Yep, that's baby goodies.... the top two are for the carseat.  It is a very soft insert with detachable head piece. 
The bottom one is a cute duckie hooded towel that my daughter does not want to give up, sigh. 

Two pair of little girls size 10 shoes.  The sneakers are very nice New Balance, and the slip on canvas ones are still very nice play shoes, probably from Walmart.

One of our all time favorite books! We have several copies and this is the board book version in almost new condition.

Finally two really random items, I almost didn't even post, but there is nothing wrong with them, so...
The first is hard to see, but it is a macrame plant hanger in a burnt orange with a metal hanging ring;  the sunglasses are a sparkly silver over navy blue they were my extra car pair, and I just don't need them anymore

So these items are available absolutely FREE until October 26th.  Message, call, comment, let me know if you want any of these things. 
Hopefully as I get better at getting rid of things, I will have some more exciting treasures. 

The Meal Plan 

If you want to know what we are eating, here are our dinners for this week:

Monday - Cowboy Grub (E) - turkey; skillet

Tuesday - BLT Frittata (S) - bacon, eggs; skillet/oven

Wednesday - Slow Fajitas (E) - chicken; crockpot (I used my fast pot)

Thursday - Super Salmon Burgers (S) - canned pink salmon; stove top/grill

Friday - Pizza (S) - pepperoni, cheese, sausage; oven

Saturday - Creamy Chicken & Wild Rice Soup (E) - chicken; stovetop

Sunday - Rich & Tender Stew (S) - beef; crockpot

               Dessert - Trimtastic Chocolate Zucchini Cake (S) - oven 

All the recipes for these meals come from the Trim Healthy Mama Cookbook.  Again, I am not receiving any commissions or gifts for the things I share...this is just what I am doing. 

What's working and what's not
To be continued in another post...
God bless thanks for reading, and don't forget to follow if you don't want to miss future posts.


"You can make plans, but the Lord's purpose will prevail."
Proverbs 19:21