This post is written for all the people who just can't feel Christmas this year. For the ones who are saying things like, "I just can't get into the Spirit this year" Or the person who is doing their very, very best to keep Christmas for the first time without a special loved one there. For everyone thinking if only I would be more excited about Christmas. It is written for me, a reminder to myself that Christmas was never in the snow, the lights, the decorated tree, the gifts, etc.... and if you are one with limited funds to spend on Christmas this year and it is always tugging on your generous heart.... trust me when I tell you, "you are the gift your love ones want most. You with your engaging smile, and welcoming spirit. You with your infectious laughter and warmest of hugs." Long after the taste of the cookies is gone from your little one's mouth, the memory of making them with you will remain.
This Christmas may be raw for you. It may be more painful than joyous. I know there is so much brokenness in our home this year. While I look with anticipation at getting our tree and decorating it, I am also dreading it, too. This year when we pull out the stockings with everyone's personal ornaments tucked in....two of my boys will not be here to put their ornaments on the tree. (The story behind that will be in another post when the time is right.) I will be giving one boy his ornaments to place on a different tree this year or keep for his own first tree. The other little boy, may get to place his ornaments on our tree, but not as part of our family, and at this point he will not be able to be here with us Christmas morning to enjoy the stockings, the gifts under the tree, the feasting.... His Christmas and ours will be very different this year.
A fallen, broken world does not make a broken Christmas. Our souls ache from wounds that cannot be shared and felt by anyone else. Wounded people hurt other people....until their wounds are fully healed!!
That is where we need Christmas most. Right in the middle of our wounds, the healing miracle of a savior, and God's amazing gift!! I am fairly certain that first Christmas did not look anything like Mary or Joseph imagined when the angel announced to them the great gift God was giving them. I have no idea what they were expecting, but if I was told I was giving birth to a king, to the King of Kings! I would dream of promotion and a palace with many midwives, and hand maids attending to me. I would never dream of a barn stall surrounded by animals, and the first visitors to see me after my body was ripped and torn...a group of smelly men, shepherds. No, no, no...that is not the birth I would have dreamed. And yet, that is exactly the way the greatest gift the world has ever been given came into the world.
Maybe your Christmas doesn't match your dreams this year. Maybe your heart is torn and aching, as Mary's body was ripped and aching. Maybe the people around you, who should be caring for you, are not doing things the way you picture them doing them. Maybe instead of handmaids bringing oils and perfumes, you are surrounded by smelly diapers, and dirty dishes, and late nights and no one to help you. I don't know your hurts, but I know that Christmas is not broken. God did not get it wrong on that first messy, dirty, dark Christmas and He will come right into the middle of your messy, dirty, dark Christmas and be the light your soul needs.
When all the pretty lights just hide all the hurting places, I pray you will let the light of Jesus into your heart and soul and know Christmas.
Here are a couple quotes that have ministered to my soul this Christmas:
"Worry is always belief gone wrong. Because you don't believe that God will get it right."
"Some days, when you feel brave, it's almost like you can reach through the pieces where your heart feels torn and touch the gentle peace of God."
from Ann Voskamp's Unwrapping the Greatest Gift There are so many more....every night I grow in wonder at how amazing the Gift of Christmas, Jesus, is to the world.
Dear One, in that hard place, Christmas is not broken, you are not broken. Christmas can be both messy, hard, dark, dirty, and beautiful, amazing, light filled, and glorious!! Because the same Savior who came into the dirty, dark, smelly manger will come into your messy, imperfect, not pinterest worthy life, and His very presence will sooth the torn and aching places in your heart. Please, let Him in to heal the wounded places, let Him comfort the aches, and let Him be your constant companion, who will never leave you or forsake you.
We don't have our tree up yet (gasp) and very little of my house is decorated!! I know!! So I think I'm behind. Then I remember we don't get our tree until around the 15th of the month that gives us 17 days or so to really enjoy it, and then we are done. I remember I like to decorate a little each day and have my children "find" the decorations when they come home from school. My Christmas doesn't look like other people's and that's wonderful!! We all come in my shapes and sizes, so do our Christmas trees and so does our Christmas. I pray your Christmas includes Jesus, because if it doesn't it will always be missing the most amazing peace.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!
